A-ha! moments. I have them once in a while. Usually when I'm paying attention to what's going on around me. Sounds stupid, doesn't it? Shouldn't we always be paying attention? Well, I am blonde. LOL Of course I pay attention. I'm a mom to teenage twins, if I don't pay attention I'll have anarchy and an uprising in my house.
I'm talking about taking that brief moment to look around and be in the moment. To take a mental note. A snapshot.
I had one of those moments Friday night and I've been pondering it ever since.
It was Halloween night and the kids and I were chillin' at home. They've decided they're much too old for trick-or-treating, and there weren't any parties going on that night, so we stayed in. We'd been looking forward to it for a few weeks because our very favorite TV reality show, Ghost Hunters, was running a 7-hour live marathon that night! We bought Subway sandwiches, sugar cookies in ghost and pumpkin and bat shapes to frost ourselves, and settled in for about 7 hours of being scared.
During about hour 5, Alex and I were cuddled up on the couch, with the lights on now because it was getting too scary for the lights to be out, and we had all just jumped at something that had grabbed either Grant or Jason on the show, and we were giggling and talking about it when the light bulb went off.
Having my husband gone for a whole year and being a single mom is perhaps one of the most difficult things I'll do during my whole life. But it occured to me that although he's gone, I am learning more about my kids than I would have if he were here. I am everything to them right now. I'm sure they're learning stuff about me too, although they don't know it. LOL
I've only been in the kids' lives for 2 1/2 years. I haven't known them since they were babies. But in those 2 years, I've become their mother, not just "dad's new wife". And especially now, when they can't ask Dad if they can go here or get that, and they have to depend on me for everything, I'm learning so much about who they are, and seeing how much they're growing and maturing.
I'd never consider Alvin's time away from us as a blessing. But this is giving me a chance to build a closer relationship with my kids, and perhaps cement in their minds my role in their lives. And perhaps when they're grown and have teens of their own, they'll look back and have their own "A-ha!" moment.
For now, though, it's enough for me that they hug me every day and say they love me. They ask me if I'm okay. They don't squable, well, much anyway, when I ask them to do their chores. Their parent-teacher conferences on Friday were AWESOME, and their teachers couldn't say enough about their attitudes and how hard they work. I was so proud of them, and they were proud of themselves too.
So there was a lot that went into my A-ha. I'm learning, growing, and I think I'm doing a pretty good job.